Like a Woman Would
Field Trip | No.68
Field Trip is a homebase for the research and references that inform the work and life of designer Lauren Scarlett
[RESEARCH ©FT]
When I was young, my biggest dream was to have a flat of my own. When I pictured it, I didn’t see much more than a mattress on the floor of a small space, but I knew it would be everything. I later imagined getting a bookshelf and a bar cart and figuring out who I was through the things I chose to buy. I didn’t think about owning a fridge-freezer or curtains, or partaking in the air fryer hype. I didn’t know it would be these mundane possessions that kept me sane; that when my mind is running a million miles, it’s the thought of needing new knives that reminds me I’m a real human, living a real life.
At the beginning of the year I committed myself to doing better, so I got my name on a lease again and get told I drive well but too fast. I use those jade stones on my face, work out and hydrate, try not to stay up too late. I convince myself I’m not suppressing things but obviously healing because I do self-care now instead of substances. The months lately have been boring and routine but I restored what fell apart and I’ve been wrapped in this little safe space for a while now.
I’ve had a weird feeling lately, kind of like a 13-year-old Jennifer Garner waking up as a 30-year-old feeling. I catch myself looking at the things I own and wonder when the hell I got my shit together. I watch myself doing things that as a kid, I imagined myself as a woman doing, and I wonder when the hell I became her. Always waiting for my life to start, I thought there would be a monumental moment that threw me into adulthood—something I could point to, like a job offer or a move across the country. But the transition from girlhood to womanhood started long before I knew, and my life has been changing slowly but surely, every single day.
The great thing I realised is, the little girl with scuffed knees and a bad fringe, who’s shit-scared but so gallant, is with me at all times. She jumps off things without the fear of pain shooting through her ankles, she sneaks in and out of places she’s told she shouldn’t be, she stands on tiptoes to get on rides beyond her heights, and she’ll be deceiving restrictions for the rest of her life. So, I pour a glass of wine and cook a meal like a woman would, and I let myself, for once, feel pride for all that I’ve given that girl.
♥️❤️🔥❤️🩹